In care, concern and the name of healing.

This blog was originally posted on my personal blog on July 6, 2015 and is a bit more personal in nature.

This was written after my lawyer drew up and mailed cease and desist papers because Lori posted to her group that my BUSINESS ETHICS were in question.  A very smooth way to pull the wool over her member's eyes as to what was really going on.  Of course if she kicked me out, it must be because I'm a terrible bad person with such terrible business ethics that the bulk of any money I've ever made went straight into her pocket.  Yep, after a year of being her lackey and doing all her bidding, it was ALL OF THE SUDDEN she sensed something amiss right?  The whole thing reeks of bullshit and anyone who asks was deleted, banned, never allowed back in.  Hmm....

Anyhoo, here's the link to the original blog that so many have found and said "Uhm, I had the same experience with this woman..."  It's raw and it's real and angry because we were raw, real and angry.




http://www.kidsandstitches.blogspot.com/2015/07/in-care-concern-and-in-name-of-healing.html

In care, concern and in the name of healing,.....

I've sat down to write this blog no less than 7 times.  The words came but they were ugly, harsh and not representative of what is really going on here, but even still....a month later I'm at a loss.  I'll begin with a few snippets of previous attempts to get this all out.....

The papers are signed and on their way.  Formalities, dealt with and so I drive home, business taken care of.

It is finished.

But now it begins.  Now we get down to the heart of the matter.  We get down to what this has meant. To me, to all of us.

First, let's clear something up. Our loyalties were never to you.  Ever.  Our loyalties were first and foremost to....

Matthew, Ronald Kent, Ellie, Ceilidh, Alexus, Courtney, Owen, Carly, Zoey,  Kaitlyn and Teagan, Holden, Karina........

Do you even know who they are?  These are our children who lived and died before we could even meet them and we pledged, in those moments where we were grasping that we'd have to live our entire lives without them to make their existence matter; to make them known and no matter how quickly you dismissed their lives with your disgusting pride and ego, we have no regrets.

Unlike you we can still walk with our heads held high.  Unlike you, we didn't need to have our names plastered across our "care and concern."  We gave it because we actually cared.  It wasn't a currency for us. We needed nothing in return but the knowledge that what we were doing was good and would help heal the hearts of parents getting ready to walk a path we knew. We didn't want to sell a tour, we wanted to give the map freely.  You charged for admission, we paid it in full, of our own volition,

Our babies died once and we did what we did to honor their memory and you stole that from us.  You took our babies and used them for money.  How could you? You fucking asshole. Seriously?  Who does that?

Once the f bomb was dropped I felt a *little* better....but, then I erased the rest because that particular word took over....and that's not who I am.....And here's another.... 

In care, concern and the name of healing....

Really?  Who's?  Who do you care about?

You.

Who are you concerned about?

You.

Who's healing are you promoting?  Your own. 

See, the thing is, you were never the guardian of anyone's healing.  You appointed that title to yourself. No one voted you in. You just pushed your way in. You created a monopoly on grief and have sat firmly on your throne for years. After all, without any accountability, is easy to maintain a reputation as being pious and benevolent isn't it?  If anyone says any differently, just give 'em the boot and in your sickeningly sweet passive-aggressive way, bullshit the masses into believing you are protecting them.  Right? 

You know what that is?  It's sick.  It's abusive.  It's disgusting and my God, it's wrong. You lie behind closed doors, you lie behind the people who are so convinced of your goodness, they won't ask questions.  We all know what happens when someone disagrees with you.  That's simply not allowed.

I want you to really let this sink into that sick, twisted brain of yours. You have lied to every single person you have come into contact with.  What does that say about you?  It can only be one of two things.

One, you justify that lying in the name of "healing."  You keep facts back from people who need them because you view yourself as further along in the process and thus, have the authority to make those decisions for the people who trust you.  You know what?  We don't need another lie to take up space in our lives.  We've told ourselves one too many already by the time we found you.  That we'd be okay, that it was no big deal, that the world would understand what it means to parent a child from the grave.

I was stuck, quite literally.....in every way imaginable and I wasn't alone.  Multiple other people were stuck in the quicksand of grief, unable to eat, sleep, function, while you posted your happy little vacation pictures and pretended we didn't exist.  Something you're really, really good at.

And then it hit me.  Denial is your MO.  You are stuck in it.  In the first stage of grief.  Should we then pity you?  Maybe, but I can't find it anywhere.  Not for you. Not even a little.

Here's the thing, lady.  You are hurting grieving parents.  You have created an atmosphere where you encourage dependency on YOU.  Everything about your little empire says "You need ME." But you know what?  We don't.  We need each other.  We found each other.  You are wholly, completely unequivocally unnecessary and you can't stand that, but you know it's true.  

You have lied to the people who gave their all.  You have lied about everyone and everything you have touched.  And you have to live with that.  

A dear friend told me I can't change your mind.  I can't make you do the right thing.  I can't.  You have to live with yourself day in and day out and the level of dishonesty you must carry around with you is burden enough.

As for us.  All of us....we are moving forward with the one lesson we can take from this disgusting situation.  To never, ever, ever, ever be anything like you.  Ever.  

May you find the love, care and concern somewhere along the way.....but for now we'll call it like we see it....

Bullshit.  

The Heartbreak

Today is October 29th, 2015 and as of this date there has been no explanation or apology as to the biggest issue I, and others, have with the leader of SOBBs, Inc and the US Cuddle Cot Campaign Initiative.

You might notice someone missing from the page, someone who used to be the poster child for the Cuddle Cot, a true "success story" for what "Lori does."

His name was Owen Issac Plunkett.  His mother Amanda has fought to create his legacy from the second she knew he's pass from life to death within her.  SHE approached her hospital to have a Cuddle Cot in place during Owen's birth and her hospital ORDERED and PAID FOR the Cuddle Cot that was used in the three days following his birth.

There is a LOT to this story, but this photo is going to be where we start to unravel.  This is a post made by Lori of the US Cuddle Cot Campaign Initiative on October 12th, 2014 and it has since been removed (as has ALL evidence of Owen) from this page.

I am going to stick to the facts because the emotions start to make me CRAZY.

FACT: As the time this was written, SOBBS was ALREADY in possession of a "loaner cot" and it had ALREADY been offered to Amanda a month before this post.  Get that, in September, Amanda was told there was a cot ready for her should she need it.  I was told October 11 we needed to purchase a loaner immediately for Amanda.  Hmmm....

FACT: Our fundraising team was NOT told about this loaner cot and were told the money we raised was indeed being used to purchase this emergency cot

FACT: Mott hospital already had the Cuddle Cot on order.  SOBBS new cot order would not have arrived any faster than than the TWO units ordered by Mott.  The only way she could get a cot to Amanda before her own hospital would have been to already have one, that she never disclosed.

FACT:  She sent this old unit (blue and white) to Amanda in Michigan, even after being told the hospital had TWO units ready to go for Owen and any other babies that would need them.  It was sent to Amanda "just in case" (of what?  It was an OLD unit.  It was a back up for the brand new ones just purchased by the hospital? WHAT??)  Please note, the photos of the unit that is blue and white is the old unit, the all blue are the new.  

FACT:  This post calls for donations for the "loaner program" AFTER this mother has ALREADY gotten approval and ordering for her Cuddle Cots, so why was she USED to solicit donations for this loaner program?

FACT: When Amanda arrived home from the birth and death of baby Owen pictures of her hospital, clearing showing the brand new units that her hospital purchased were posted on the USCCCI page and advertised as having been used by baby Owen.  There was no "mistake" or "misunderstanding."  After catching up on sleep and answering a million emails from other loss parents, Amanda started to understand what had happened and knowing so many parents were involved in getting her the "loaner cot"and had to make the very  hard decision to let us know that all that was posted was indeed, a fabrication.  A publicity stunt that bore no truth other than an old unit was shipped to her house and sat in a box, then shipped back.  What she saw as a goodwill gesture, and ODD goodwill gesture, she realized was used as a way to ask for donations for the USCCCI and to use her son as an advertisement for the cot.  The cot SHE GOT PLACED ALL BY HERSELF.

FACT:  Lori has never admitted to me, or my fundraising team, that she already had a loaner cot of that the cot used at Owen's Birth was NOT her old unit.  Further, there has been no acknowledgement that Amanda fought for and got her hospital to purchase two units, nor has their been a public thank you to Mott for moving so quickly to have one available for Owen's birth.  

Who got all the credit publicly?  SOBBS. 

Our question is this?  Why ask for donations for this "emergency cot" knowing you ALREADY HAD ONE?  The one YOU SENT.  How many donations did you use baby Owen to get?  Did those donations go to Amanda for the placement of a cot with the "matching funds" program?

And the last question: HOW COULD YOU?  How could you use one mother's years old grief and willingness to turn over every single dime she raised for this beautiful cause knowing you were LYING to her?  How could you use a mother getting ready to have her baby die FOR PUBLICITY?  That is all you have done and our reward for supporting you?  We have BOTH been kicked out of SOBBS, blocked from contacting you and you have said you don't NEED to talk to either of us.  REALLY?

So much in care, concern and in the name of healing (Oh yeah you changed that little tagline huh?  Blog with that title hit a little too close to home eh?

We want answers.  We want an apology and we want you to understand how absolutely DISGUSTING this was.  It doesn't matter what good you are doing, if you have to shatter loss parents for your mission you are a seriously flawed individual that needs to step down, get some help and stop preying on innocent people with pure hearts.

A year later and nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

Unacceptable.

Rules, rules and more rules OR "Do as I say not as I do..."

Thank you to our guest blogger, Heather, who had a LOT to say about the new "rules" coming from camp SOBBS.

RULES, RULES, RULES … Do as we say, not as we do

                If you’ve been lucky enough to still remain a member of SOBBS’s, Stories of Babies Born Still, Facebook community page, then you have probably seen the new and improved “rules” of proper grieving according to the SOBBS admin team.  If you’re like me, these “rules” have left you scratching your head in confusion at best, or have left you angry at worst.  I have to admit…I’m a bit of both with a healthy dollop of chagrin tossed in for good measure.  If you haven’t seen them yet, or haven’t had the time to read them, I’ve transcribed them here for you. 

                Why did I transcribe the “rules” instead of posting screenshots?  I really wanted to absorb the words and understand exactly what was said versus the forced, and supposed intent, of the “rules”.  You’ll find the SOBBS “rules” italicized and my sometimes literal interpretation in plain script.  Now, you’ll probably find something strange in the text of the “rules” that looks like this [sic].  Now, while I personally find this to be utter garbage and not worth the paper to wipe my…well, you know, with…the [sic] in the text means that the preceding words are how Lori & company actually wrote the “rules” and have not been altered or changed by me at all.  It really just illustrates how much care and attention they did not give to the consideration of these so-called “rules”.

                So, now that I’ve explained myself…let’s dive in, shall we?

SOBBS Wall Policies

We, at SOBBS, are here to provide a safe place for families to mourn, grieve, honor, share, cry, vent and to begin to heal after the loss of a stillborn baby.  While we 100% recognize the loss of a child regardless or [sic] age, stage or circumstance is a pain deeper than the ocean and wider than the sea we are a group for STILLBIRTH.  We exist to give families of stillbirth a voice, a shoulder, an ear.  While we know this is a painful, emotional, exhausting, heart-wrenching journey and families are welcomed [sic] to share whatever they may feel here, there are a few things we cannot allow on our wall for the respect of all member.

Now, if you’re like me, you don’t care to be yelled at no matter the situation.  Lori & Co. are screaming STILLBIRTH at us.  They want to make sure you get it.  That’s all they care about is stillborn children.  Nothing else.  Now, have they defined what stillborn is and what they mean by that?  No, they haven’t and here’s why…they don’t know or they just don’t care.  Period.  Now, I know, most of us regard stillbirth as a full-term baby, but ask any mother who has miscarried at 8-weeks or at 14-weeks and they will tell you that the baby, although not fully formed, was still at birth.  That’s the point…they were birthed.  And yet, Lori & Co. do not allow miscarriage mothers onto the SOBBS Facebook page.  They have a “SOBBS – Miscarriage Matters” Facebook page that you can join, but only if the miscarriage is within a certain number of weeks.  I believe that anything into the second trimester is not considered appropriate for the “Miscarriage Matters” page and doesn’t fit in with the SOBBS main page.  So what are those parents to do?  Who cares!  If you don’t fit the mold, you don’t get to join.  As a matter of fact, I heard from a loss parent who had experienced a stillbirth and then a miscarriage.  She was not allowed to talk about the miscarriage in the SOBBS main page and she wasn’t allowed to join the “Miscarriage Matters” page because she was already a member of the SOBBS main page.  So this poor woman has to choose which child is more important to her to remember and get support on.  Bad form Lori!  Seriously bad, but let’s go back to the text and see that she’s very poetic about oceans and seas…if you like nautical themes.

1.)    We cannot allow posting of anything related to the sale of any items other than those items in our SOBBS store or SOBBS approved fundraisers.  While we know this is a bit disappointing this is to protect us as well as our members from any issues arising from outside vendors.  Please know all items sponsored by SOBBS go to support our various awareness campaigns and give back to the BL community.  If you have any questions regarding our items or campaigns please visit our documents section or message one of our admins.

Now, I know.  This “rule” doesn’t seem too horribly unreasonable, does it?  What I think is being said is this:  buy our stuff and only our stuff, or what we tell you to buy, because we really don’t care about your healing or about your children or about you…we just want your money.  Now, I can hear you say “that’s not what’s being said…they do care about us!”  I’d like to take this moment to point out that their very first “rule” – the very first one – has nothing to do with how you, as a loss parent, is to be treated or respected or anything of that compassionate nature.  Their first “rule” tells you everything you need to know about the motives of this group because their first “rule” is what is most important to them and that is money.  I’m sorry, but that is the case.  Please read it again.  Just the first sentence, and see if I’m correct.  I truly am sorry.  I know we all had higher hopes and expectations for this group.

And I know I’m being nit-picky here, but the reference to “BL community” may leave people completely confused, especially if this is the first thing they have to read before they can participate in the group.  New loss parents may not know that “BL” stands for “baby loss”.  I would think that writing it out may be more helpful than using an abbreviation that many new to the community just would not know about.  So congratulations Lori & Co. for making new members feel stupid on top of feeling like any step could get them in trouble!  Hell of a way to make a first impression.

2.)    Please do not post links to any other pages, groups, fundraisers or products on the wall without express permission from the admin team.  While occasionally we do share a link that we find particularly useful we want to keep our space as it was meant to be, a place for support.  Too often members posts [sic] seeking to give/receive support, vent, cry, connect, share, love, feel [sic] get lost among posts of an advertisement nature.  If you have found a site or link that you would like to share please message one of the admin team so we may evaluate its content.  There is a one go-to place in the documents section called “Good works are links that form a chain of love.” Where you may paste a helpful link, group, organization or product.

So, is this reasonable?  What part?  Let’s break it down some.  The posting of other pages, groups, fundraisers or products…again, sorry to say, this points clearly to what is most important to Lori & Co. and that is money.  The posting of links to other pages or groups or fundraisers or products would interfere with their ability to make money off of you, the grieving loss parent.  They don’t want you to bring attention to any other page or group because that would take attention away from them and promote competition in the market of loss.  What could you find on other pages?  Tips for maintaining a healthy home and body even though you don’t feel like doing anything except crying.  What could you find on other groups?  More than likely the actual support you are looking for.  There are a lot of groups out there who are there specifically for sharing.  I can’t tell you how many of them I’ve been to that just want to be there for you and are not trying to sell you something or guilt you into participating in a fundraiser so they can make money off of you…off of your baby…off of your grief.  Loss shouldn’t be profitable, but once again…I refer you to the very first “rule” which has nothing to do about you, the loss parent, or your child – but has everything to do with your bank account. 

They want you to refrain from posting about fundraisers.  But that’s what Lori & Co. do all of this for, isn’t it?  To raise funds for Cuddle Cots?  They say they can hold your funds in escrow to put toward a cot with your child’s name on it and place it in a hospital of your choosing.  That’s what they do, isn’t it?  But you can’t post any fundraising that you are doing to get that cot in memory of your child because that goes completely against the no-fundraising “rule” unless it is a fundraiser that SOBBS is putting on and those funds raised will go to whatever pet project Lori is feeling like doing at that moment.  What else does this speak to?  If you raise the funds yourself, you might actually find out that you don’t need Lori or SOBBS at all to purchase a Cuddle Cot or place it or put your child’s name on the plate!  Goodness me!  They just can’t have that, now can they?

Oh, and no links unless they want it, which means that someone on the admin team wants the credit for finding said link.  It’s sad, but true.  Reflective glory on your personal stages of grief.  So, what else is there?  Oh, yes.  Too often members post wanting to talk to someone because they need support or to vent or whatever but with all the advertisements they can’t get the support they need.  Sounds like a good thing but I’m going to burst that bubble.  I have seen documentation between Lori & Co. admin team members who make fun of loss parents looking to connect with someone to talk or vent.  Advertisements aside, the admin team at SOBBS does not care about you or your loss.  They make fun of you for sharing.  They make fun of you for reaching out to other loss parents.  And they doubt the legitimacy of your loss and will go to any depth necessary to find out if you are lying.  That to me is not a group of people that I want around me.  Do you want these people in your corner?  I can hear you now, “but they don’t do that to everyone, just those that must have deserved it”.  I say to that, in response, if they do it to just one person, that is one person too many and there is nothing to stop them from doing it to everyone.  And absolutely no one, and I mean no one, deserves to be ridiculed for a loss…no matter what they may have done or said within the group or to a member of the admin team.  Everyone should be treated with dignity and respect!

And one last thing…if you post a link, you must get express permission from the admin team (who, by the way, cannot agree on anything and change their minds constantly…I was let in to SOBBS and then removed and then let in again before being removed once more because one admin said “yes” and Lori said “no”).  They have to check it out first to see if it is quality material by evaluating its content.  If you are posting it, that would, I’m assuming here, be because you found it particularly helpful in your own grieving process.  By Lori & Co. having to evaluate the content before allowing it to be posted, that is the equivalent of them telling you that they are evaluating your mental state and grieving process and will tell you whether you are doing it right!  Who the hell are they to tell you whether you are grieving properly?!

3.)    Absolutely no cursing, cussing or name calling.  When cuss words are used in a post it takes on a whole different inflection and some are truly offend [sic] by cuss words.  Posts with cussing or name calling will be removed without notice.  In addition, we do not tolerate any disrespectful, negative or crude comments or posts of any kind.  Please do not come to the wall and air personal differences with individuals, groups, links or drama that might be happening on another page.  That is not to say you cannot disagree with each other as long as it is done in a caring and gentle manner.  Anyone who violates this policy will be suspended from the group for a period of 3 days.  After 3 days the member may be re-admitted to SOBBS by requesting to join again.  If another incident occurs with the same member that member will be permanently banned from SOBBS.  If someone has made a comment that feels malicious or hurtful to you please contact one of our administrators immediately.

Again, I will be nit-picky.  Cursing and cussing is the same damn thing.  And, once again, who are they to explain to you what the usage of curse words will or will not do to a posting and sentence structure?  Seriously, are you guys a bunch of 5 year olds or are you mature adults who know what to post?  But who am I to judge the no cuss words “rule”?  Well, I’m just a loss parent who has been through the grieving process several times and not a single one of those periods of grief were ever the same.  So Lori & Co. are again telling you how to grieve.  No curse words!  People grieve differently and some use curse words because those words convey the hurt, the anger, and the futility of the loss of their child!  How many loss parents are going to censor themselves and not be honest about their feelings?  Gee, let’s see…how is “John Doe” doing today?  I think I’ll ask him.  And then John just wants to respond that he feels like shit.  That’s an honest and to the point response that adequately expresses how he feels.  But Lori & Co. can’t have that…so poor John has to use extra energy and mental processes to find other words that can accurately and succinctly express himself because he can’t use the words immediately available to him.  Lori & Co. won’t let him.  Again, folks, this points very clearly that they don’t care about you.

And to further the “we don’t care” pattern, you can disagree with each other, but not with the SOBBS admin team and if you don’t follow the “rules”, you will be suspended for 3 days.  Well, that’s what they say, but in truth…you’re being kicked out.  But you can always ask to join again after the 3 days are up.  But if you screw up again…you’ll be dropped and blocked from ever joining again and you’ll never find them again.  Ask around.  There are lots of loss parents who were removed from the group and automatically banned for no other reason than who they had in their Facebook friends list or because they disagreed with Lori or they had a simple question regarding the funds that they raised and donated to SOBBS for the purchase of a Cuddle Cot in their child’s name.  If Lori feels threatened, whether the threat is real or imagined, she will take swift action against you.  Don’t take my word for it though.  Lori & Co. are telling you this themselves.

Have you ever heard of the “three strikes” rule?  It’s a common rule in baseball.  Three strikes and you’re out!  Well, for Lori & Co. you only get two strikes before you’re out.  Cast into the shadows of a yawning abyss of guilt, grief, and now, abandonment.  Yes, it isn’t fair.  But people who actually care about you will pull you to the side (in a private message) and ask you what’s going on with you.  See, people sometimes lash out in anger in their grief.  Grief is numbing.  Anger at least lets you feel something other than the emptiness.  Truly compassionate people understand that and give you the space you need to do this.  Lori & Co. will just cut you off and wash their hands of you, and your grief, and your baby.  They say it’s to protect the other members, but really it’s just because they are too self-absorbed and lazy to care about you.

4.)    We cannot allow any member to be discourteous to any member of our administrative team.  If you have a concern or a problem with one of our team members please contact us directly.  It is our heart [sic] to be loving, inspiring, and helpful, never judgmental, or hurtful.  So please give us the chance to fix a problem before it escalates.  In addition, SOBBS admins reserve the right to delete ANY post at ANY time for the serenity of the group.  If a post gets out of hand or turns ugly it will be removed without notice.  If you have a question regarding this policy please feel free to message an admin.  We will not discuss or debate a removed post on the wall.  Anyone who violates this policy will be suspended from the group for a period of 3 days.  After 3 days the member may be re-admitted to SOBBS by requesting to join again.  If another incident occurs with the same member that member will be permanently banned from SOBBS.

They’re trying to step in between you and your grieving process yet again.  Removing you for 3 days is being judgmental and is extremely hurtful.  Please know that when they say discourteous toward a member of the admin team that they mean you can’t disagree with them or call them on their bullshit.  You just can’t do that.  They know how to grieve better than you do.  They proclaim that they are concerned with the serenity of the group and have the right to remove any post at any time…but it isn’t for the serenity of the group at all.  I hope by now, you’re seeing that they think you should grieve in a certain way and if you aren’t doing it their way, then you are doing it wrong.  Grief is not pretty.  Grief is not serene.  Grief is ugly and raw and inconsistent!  Some days you’ll feel numb to everything and other days you’ll be raging and pissed off!  That’s part of the process and everyone does it differently.  Why should the reality of losing a child be sanitized on the SOBBS wall?  How is that being supportive of your grief?  It isn’t to keep delicate members from being offended!  It’s to keep Lori & Co. looking like misty mountaintop gurus who find beauty in mourning the loss of a child.  In a word, this approach is unrealistic and places undue stress and strain on a loss parent for not being perfect in their expression of mourning and grief.  The serenity of the group being touted above the raw, gut-wrenching reality of grief is ridiculous.  Fuck serenity!  No one suffers a loss in silence.  Cry, scream, curse, rant and rave!  You deserve to grieve your child.  You don’t need to be supervised to ensure correct grieving procedure is strictly adhered to.  That’s what they’re doing, you know.  Why else do they need to constantly threaten you with 3 day suspension and permanent banning from the group?  Yet another indication that they do not care about you.

5.)    We do ask that if you are posting regarding a rainbow please begin your post with “RAINBOW ALERT”.  Also if posting in regards to your sunshine child please also begin your post with “SUNSHINE ALERT”.  This is to protect members who are not at a place where they can read about pregnancies and can [sic] be spared the emotional upset.  Also we do ask if you want to post pictures of your sunshine/rainbows please in the post you are making write pics in comments and post the pictures in the comments.  Please remember that even though this news is genuinely prayed for SOBBS members, sadly, grows daily [sic].  Many, if not most members, are at a very raw stage of grief. Some just coming back from their child’s funeral services.  As we all come to learn that time and grief changes us we must be sensitive to each others [sic] needs.  Journeys and progress are very personal and we cannot assume others can feel happy about this news in the beginning stages of their suffering.  Posts that do not adhere to our wall policies will be deleted.

Let’s go back to the very first paragraph of the “rules”.  Not “rule” #1, but a little before that.  Remember the capitalized shouting of STILLBIRTH?  As in, that’s all they do?  Yeah, well, why are they making a to-do about the posting of rainbow and sunshine posts?  Those posts should be banned if you follow the other “rules” preceding it.  What’s more horrible to a new loss parent…the curse words or pictures of healthy, happy babies who survived?  I’d bank on the pictures of the living children being more devastating to a new loss parent.  They shouldn’t be allowed but they are because Lori & Co. want the opportunity to brag on their living children.  You guys are a captive audience for them.  Get out while you can and find another group who will actually give a shit about you.  SOBBS is strictly for stillbirth and nothing else.  They shouted it at you!  S-T-I-L-L-B-I-R-T-H!  Not for miscarriages or pregnancy concerns after a loss or for good news and sharing pictures of living children!  Stillbirth.  Period.  Nothing is more polarizing than being confronted with your loss time and again by looking at pictures of other people’s kids that they had after their loss.  Is it inspiring?  It could be, but the timing is circumspect.  Let me share with you my experience.  I had a loss and was invited to a baby shower that was given after the baby in question had been born.  I just couldn’t go.  I couldn’t be happy for them and I couldn’t stand to see that child, so I didn’t go.  I saved myself the heartache and pain of it all, but those of you who are subjected to these happy posts in SOBBS can’t avoid it.  It doesn’t matter if the pictures are in the comments!  Not all comments are suppressed and pictures are visible.  You can’t scroll through them quick enough to make it to safety!  It’s irresponsible to encourage such postings.  Seriously, folks…they just don’t care about you.

6.)    And finally if you feel like you may be suicidal please seek the help of a crisis center/hotline in your area immediately.  SOBBS is designed as an on-line support group and can in no way take the place of professional services required to treat and assist suicidal thoughts and feelings.  Please know we take talk of suicide very, very seriously here at SOBBS.  If posts of this nature come up on our wall we do our best to point the aching heart in the direction of help.  If a second post comes up from the same individual again expressing a possible suicidal tendency we will do our best to contact authorities, family members or friends to get the person the help they need.  In addition the post will be removed from the wall as well as the person posting.  Some of our members new to grief just do not have the emotional store to read or field such things.  We love each of you and hope you all understand.  If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact an an [sic] admin.  Also, below are a few numbers/hotlines we recommend.  The first is sponsored by First Candle.  The second ask for you to leave a message and someone will call you back with in [sic] 24 hours.  The third one has someone answering the phone during daytime hours and they can connect you with a parent bereavement specialist right away.

Phone Support Hotlines

*First Candle:  1-800-221-7437.  Grief Counselors are available 24/7.

*Caring and Beyond:  (403) 294-1131 – this is a baby loss support group in which individuals can call/visit and share their experiences, grief, and feelings over their loss.

*National SIDS, Stillbirth & Miscarriage Hotline: (1-800-221-7437) – offers individuals who’ve from baby loss information [sic], literature, crisis counseling, and the like.

In care, concern and in the name of healing,

~The SOBBS team

Okay, I am extremely upset with this last “rule”.  If you are suicidal, get help and for the love of all things in this world, do not turn to them because they’ve even said it to you, in plain English, that if you are suicidal and you post it twice, they will contact your family, friends, co-workers, police, etc., to get you the help you need but…and this is a big but…you, and your post, will be banned from the group.  Period.  Suicide is not something to joke about.  It is serious and should be treated with all the care, compassion and dignity that you, as a suicidal individual, deserve.  Yes, deserve.  So scrap the numbers they recommended.  (Two of those hotlines are actually the same hotline with the same number.  And no hotline should take 24 hours to get back to you if you are suicidal – ever!  Every minute counts in the preservation of your life when suicide has become an option for you.)  Those numbers are for parents who are deeply in the grieving process but have not come anywhere close to being suicidal.

How do you know if you are suicidal?  Are you wanting to die?  Do you want to kill yourself?  Do you have a plan to kill yourself?  If you answered yes to any of the last three questions, you need to seek immediate medical attention.  Here’s what I would suggest you do.

If you are under the care of a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist – call them immediately and tell them what is going on with you, then follow their instructions.

If you are not under the care of a psychiatric professional, please go to the nearest emergency room and tell them what is going on with you.  Tell them that you are suicidal and that you want to be admitted for observation.  You don’t have to worry about packing a bag.  The psych department has everything you could possibly need to get through your stay with them.

As a last resort call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!  They are available in English and Spanish.  For more information, please visit their website at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Please, if you aren’t convinced now that SOBBS and Lori & Co. don’t care a fig about you, what has to happen before you’re convinced of it?  Whatever it is, I sincerely hope that the point of no return does not cost you your life.  You do not deserve to be abandoned by them, or anyone, for grieving your child.  And no “rules” will make your grieving process fit their ideal of what grief looks like.  The fact is, grieving, like war, is hell!  So please find another group that will give you the support you are looking for.

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Reactions vs. actions

It's easy to do the right thing when you're under a microscope isn't it?  It's easy to REACT to your indiscretions coming into the light, not so easy to apologize for them.  If the only time you do the right thing is when SOMEONE ELSE calls you on doing something wrong, you have NO BUSINESS being in charge of anything.

You lack character.  You lack integrity.  You don't believe you are accountable to anyone and if someone can't DO something for you, they are worthless.

You are being watched and with every move you make in reaction to the accusations without an apology, you are assigning yourself one guilty verdict after another.  It would be amusing to watch you scramble if only you were involved, but unfortunately there are many, many people affected by your poor judgement and cold, callous heart that feigns sympathy and compassion in the most fake, bizarre manner possible.  But those who actually do care know the difference.  And we know you are a fraud, a fake and an opportunist who preys on weaker souls to get what you think it is you deserve.

Every move you make stokes the fire in our hearts a little more.  Every day you choose to not own the lies you've told, to apologize to the people you've hurt, to unravel years of putting on a show while massacring people behind the scenes.

Interesting how it took ALL this for you to even START to scramble to do what was required of you.  Interesting indeed.

And the BANNED play on

We are happy to announce three more members of the "banned for no reason from SOBBS' pages.

As in they cannot even SEE Sobbs, anymore.  And cannot comment on the USCCCI or Mom of an Angel Page.

Our first, a woman who did the UNTHINKABLE.  She unfriended Lori.  Within hours, booted.  No message, no explanation.  She followed the rules and despite knowing what was going on, she was in SOBBS for her friends.  She said and did nothing against Lori, SOBBS or anyone else.  She unfriended Lori.  Horrible huh?

Our next, a woman who actually rallied her support group and got a Cuddle Cot through SOBBS.  She is a member of the group working on the investigation and out of no where, blocked, banned and booted.  She did have an opinion on the stupidity of her group raising ALL THE MONEY for a cot and having it delivered with SOBBS name on it, as if SOBBS had anything to do with it.

And next we have a woman who helped placed SIX cots.  Her hospital chose not to go through SOBBS because something seemed wonky (good call dudes!) and instead went right through Flexmort.  She also committed a really serious crime by asking about the annual report once it was posted.  You simply cannot DO that.  What was she thinking?  I mean a question is the ultimate sin in SOBBS land.

Welcome to the group ladies.  It grows larger everyday.  Because when you are a nonprofit taking donations and representing loss parents, you simply don't have time to respect the people who aren't doing things for you.

Narcissist much?

Wow.

Meanwhile in fantasy land....there's a little thing called MATH.

The "annual report" was published today.  Those sitting on the fence, watching this play out...well their reactions were quite telling.  Yeah, when you are a non-profit that everyone WANTS to believe in and you have employees of actual, for real, non-profits seeing crap like this, shiz start's getting real.  Former supporters are like "Uhm, okay...this....isn't good.  This is not okay."

An annual report for a non profit should be, at minimum, 2 pages long.  It includes lots of things that look NOTHING like this.  But you know, who are we to judge right?  Let's have a looksee:

For those who don't know.  This is, uhm, not an "annual" report.  This appears to be someone counting on their fingers, hoping it all adds up, but not quite sure, but hey rounding to the nearest hundred SOUNDS good right?  One can only shake their heads.

Here's a few things that we think should have been included.

Donations from WHOM?
Income from the Mom of an Angel storefront? Hoodies anyone?
Gifts TO ADMIN?  Where's that expenditure?  Because I got two gifts from her and also sent out nail wraps, on the charity's dime to all her admin too, so, uhm, where's that?
Stillbirth Summit? Surely her presence there would be a SOBBS expense?  Where's that?

Where's ANYTHING of value here?  What equipment? Like a printer?  Or just Cuddle Cots?  I hope not just Cuddle Cots, because we have a huge problem there now don't we.  When we asked for detailed accounting back in June and were ignored, we called around and got some really good tips on who to file reports with.  Consumer Affairs took it on.  We got a report back.  This was supposed to be her "accounting"  (which by accounting she thought a list of purchases she made from Flexmort, not exactly helpful in where our donations went, ya know?)  But the problem here is...months are missing (okay no cot purchased in those months?)  But, but one WAS.  The "emergency" loaner was purchased my friends, in October.  Do you see an October purchase?  Yeah, me either!!  And even with those MONTHS missing and a WHOLE COT missing, she's showing that she sent Flexmort roughly $2,000 more than this report shows.  Add in the cot that was supposed to be purchased in October and we are looking at a discrepancy of about $5,000.  How??  What?

But wait, there's more.  When people send in money, even for a SPECIFIC cot, that's a "donation."  In order to be issued a tax receipt, it has to be a "donation" not a "down payment" on a tangible good (But you are welcome to call the IRS to confirm this.  They are quite helpful)  So what the hell is even happening in this report?  What donations?  Does that count all the people who spent money on Cots?  Where is the line for what's held in escrow at this time?  Where's the line for all the plaques she has made up with her name on them?

In short....I'd like to conclude this blog with the sentiments of everyone seeing this....

WHAT???

Irony

I recently received a message in my inbox with a series of screenshots that, again while not funny, could only result in a wave of disbelieving laughter.

Would you believe that last year the owner of SOBBS was rallying women to STAND UP AND FIGHT BACK against a charity that was "doing the community harm."  Oh yes, being the ring leader in a big mess was surely great advertising for her group, which was so much better and would never, ever, ever do these things....

We all read this and thought, wait what?  ALL OF US WERE BANNED FOR ASKING QUESTIONS.  The list is a mile long.  Respectful and truthful inquiries about what the hell was happening with SOBBS were immediately deleted, users blocked, banned to the point we can't even SEE the group.  Mom of An Angel and US Cuddle Cot Campaign Initiative.  Ask a question.  Bam, you can't ask it more than once. 

Are these the actions of a woman who has our hearts and healing in mind?  Or anyone's for that matter?  Why hide if there's nothing to hide?

Worst case scenario?  We are ALL (you know a TON OF US) crazy.  We are all crazy and hurt by her, but if that was the case, would the appropriate response be that we don't deserve answers?  That we should be blocked from even asking. them.  If we kept asking the SAME ones AFTER an answer?  Fine, block us.  She never even ATTEMPTED to clarify our very real concerns about her activities.  Her answer to any question was simply to post hearts and flowers and love to her group while pretending nothing was going on.  Because not only to WE not have a right to know why she's done the things she's done.

No one does. 

 Why is that exactly.  Everyone should just "trust her" but who IS SHE? Why on earth does anyone who is not being open and transparent have ANY support at all?

If you are a parent that has lost a child and you support anything this woman has done or is doing, you are betraying the community, period.  Put yourselves in the shoes of women who have given their hearts and souls to this charity, who have given their trust to its leader and been told

You don't matter.  Your baby doesn't matter.  Only *I*  matter.  Me, my charity and my throne of grief.

Let it sink in and ask yourself.  Why is any of this ok? Has she give you any reason to believe she's in the right besides very vague posts on her CLOSED group where no one can have an open discussion?  Has she answered anyone?  Anyone?

I'd love to know.  So would a lot of us.

Where's the money?

Isn't that a good question.  

We have TONS of questions about that.  Lots of stories of missing payments, funds being held, reports not coming in as promised. 

But we found out something MAGICAL about charities and their money.

If you get a government agency involved, then SUDDENLY those reports come and/or are "announced" as though they are entirely HER idea.

Let's take a look at the post on October 12th, 2015 on the US Cuddle Cot Campaign Intiative page.

"We are pleased to announce we have two more cots in the works.
In addition we will soon be posting a link to SOBBS/USCCCI financial records, mission statement and future goals. Watch our wall for details.
Giving the gift of time,
-the USCCCI"

WOW!!!  What a GOOD idea.  You know, the financial infomation we asked for in JUNE.  That she ignored and decided she didn't need to provide.  The only that any non profit is actually kind of REQUIRED to provide to its donors.

Also of magical coincidence, the day we got the call from the investigator asking us for everything on this woman, somehow that's the day she magically sent a finanical report to a donor after weeks and weeks of not getting one.

That's when magically she decided to just give us all a BIG GIFT of making it available.

Sadly though several families are still waiting on their reports, or even refunds because they no longer wish to buy a Cuddle Cot through SOBBS because YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

Do you know how that works?  You are donating to SOBBS and they give you "permission" to pick the placement of your hospital, after slapping their name on a plate with their name on it, even if you raised 100% of the money.  Isn't that special? You get to pay for them to take the credit for your hard work.  

Also something magical?  Every time we post publicly, she comes out with a statement, trying to bullshit the masses that she's on the up and up.  As if it was HER idea to be transparent after months and months of ignoring people.  After having people ask her about specific donations their family sent and her not accounting for them.  That is UNACCEPTABLE for a charity.  A family raising money for their cot should not have to ASK YOU where the money is.

But that's where it is.  And it's happened over and over again.  But don't mind  us.  We're all just pathological liars out to get a woman who is pure saint and angel.  

What would be our reason?  Because we are pissed off bereaved parents that are tired of her cruelty at worst and total incompetence at best?  Yeah, that would be it.

Where's the money?  Where is it ALL?  And what are you DOING with it?  Inquiring minds really do want to know.

P.S.  Cool story about the first loaner cot.  We'll discuss that later.

P.S. again.  Listen, no matter what bullshit you roll out with and how much you share about your financials now, let's just get one thing clear.  If you have to be INVESTIGATED to comply with the LAW, you have NO BUSINESS in anything to do with charity, loss parents or anything else.  The dates are there.  You denied answers, you have to have an investigation opened up and NOW you're "letting people know." That will never be forgotten.  

My "break up" with SOBBS

This is quite an interesting story.  One where two very different versions of the same story emerge.  I'll let you decide

My involvement with SOBBS began mid 2014.  I embraced the idea of Cuddle Cots, and the founder embraced the idea of us raising money. And that, we did.  We sent over $2,000 and how that was spent is another issue for a later blog.

The fundraiser was with custom nail art wraps which require a minimum order to keep costs down, costs, mind you I always absorbed.  I gave every single DIME to the charity, using my family's own money to cover all costs associated with mailing to customers.

In 2014, getting word out about the fundraiser was tough.  The owner encouraged me (and denies this now, stupidly, since our conversation is still there and provable) to message all her members.  (Make sure you let that sink in)  I asked her if she was sure, would that bother them.  She said "I am not concerned with pleasing everyone."  Yup.  So message everyone I did and we got the ball rolling.  Apparently she never asked her admin for approval to do this and they just went with it

A year later, I was simply too busy to do that again.  I asked SOBBS permission for another member to do this in my place.  There was NO QUESTION about the messaging.  Lori asked her admin persmission about WHO DID IT.  That's when another admin piped up with a concern about messaging people and instead wanted to post it on SOBBS main wall and bump it everyday.  I expressed MY concern that it being in their face day in and day out seemed rather pushy.  So yes, there was a disagreement.  I proposed a solution that did NOT go over well: Let's include other loss groups in this fundraiser and get it rolling.  Let everyone benefit, let all loss parents come together.  That was NOT going to fly.  In discussing this with my team, one of Lori's admins, who designed a wrap for us starting sending her screen shots of our discussion about opening the fundraiser.  I got a very ugly message asking why we were discussing "SOBBS business" without her permission.  My team of girls doing the fundraising were understandably angry.  They were outraged that we weren't "allowed to discuss" our OWN fundraiser without Lori's go ahead when all Lori's involvement was was collecting the money we worked our butts off to raise.  Things went south fast as Lori refused to tell us who was sending screenshots (it was easy to deduce, we knew who it was, we wanted an admission)

On June 3, at 8:08 pm, my husband who did all the accounting for our fundraiser told Lori that the behavior of her admin and her bringing up a lawyer the minute we said we needed some accountability was cause for us officially pulling out of her fundraiser and moving on to work with other groups.

Two hours later, she posted to her admin that she was "not sure why Melissa left but can only assume it was due to the disagreement about messaging."  THERE WAS NO DISAGREEMENT.  There was her saying it was okay and then lying to her admin about it.  She can "only assume."  That's the message to her admin.  NO MENTION of the group conversation between all of us about the behavior of her admin.  She never, ever admitted to her admin that messaging her group was HER IDEA.  She threw me under the bus because it's what she does.  I am not the first and I certainly wasn't the last in this whole debacle.  What we found out along the way is little lie=big lie . And there are MANY!

She never has told her admin the truth, so the follow her blindly.  Never asking themselves if she's such a good person why are SO MANY PEOPLE against her and her actions.  I ask them this.  How do you feel about your leader having to lie to you and omit what she's said in private to get you to do her work?  To side with her?  You really think it's okay that a person you trust is not telling you the truth?  Oh, I remember "Not everything you read on the internet is true."  But why don't you go ahead and ask her what the truth is, reminding her our entire year's worth of conversation still sits very nicely in my inbox and I wouldn't say ONE THING I couldn't prove with her OWN WORDS.  

Can she say the same?  Would SHE give you access to HER messages?  Or would it paint a very different picture than her public face?  Ask her.  She what she says.  

I did.  I posted publicly while she was still on my wall and could SEE this and she refused to answer.  Not only did she refuse to answer me, ANYONE on her group that asked anything was banned within three minutes (we timed it)  These are NOT the actions of a person that is above level (and later we'll show you how ironic her banning everyone is.  It's almost funny, except it involves grieving parents)

I'll leave you with this open letter to her that she completely ignored. 

Dear Lori,

As a member or former member of SOBBS, I'd like a few things cleared up. I don't need another neatly packaged sound bite from you or any of the admin you have lied to. I want some straight, factual answers, I figured a few direct questions might clear this up for me. Since you represent yourself as being concerned with our healing and proclaim love towards the loss community, I fully expect that you think I, that we, are worthy of the respect and dignity of answering these questions. As loss parents, we have our reality questioned everyday. Our truths are vitally important to our healing hearts and to feel safe sharing in a group where you maintain control, I need to know I can trust you. These questions are easy. These questions have answers attached to screenshots, so choose your answers wisely.

1. Did you give specific permission in September 2014 for your members to receive a private message from the fundraising organizer?
2. Did the fundraising organizer ask you for your wisdom regarding the feelings of the members with the a statement that she wanted to treat the members with the utmost respect?
3. Did you ever withdraw this permission?
4. Did you disclose to your admin that you gave this permission in September 2014 before granting it?
5. Did this fundraiser end for the reasons you have publicly stated?
6. Did the admin suggest posting the fundraiser to the wall and keeping it bumped daily?
7. Did the fundraising coordinator express concerns with the fundraiser being on the wall so much, in concern for the pressure that might invoke in the space people came to seek conversation?
8. Did the entire fundraising team ask you a question you refused to answer?
9. Did you say you were speaking with an attorney because the question was asked?
10. Did you ever tell your admin, besides the one involved in countless acts of visiting groups and taking screen shots to send to uou, that the fundraising coordinator what was actually said about messaging?

And lastly, the most important question of all. Have you or your admin ever gone to view the members here in any other group and monitored their private discussions in those groups? Have you encouraged this behavior or discouraged it?

These should be easy enough to answer. A simple yes or no would clear things up rather nicely on the topic of the admin you say did these thibgs. We'll get to the next subject that needs answers very soon.

Public Faces, Private Sins

The hardest thing about all this was really letting it sink in that this person we ALL trusted, backed, believed in, SWORE was FOR US could DO such a thing.

Do not allow what you THINK you know about a person to cloud the evidence of what that person has ACTUALLY DONE TO OTHER PEOPLE.

It may not have happened to YOU directly, but to back a person that treats others like this.

Loss moms.

You are guilty of acceptance. 

Let it sink in.

A belief in what you think you know about a person's public face cannot justify the sins they've committed while you weren't watching.

Official request for accounting of funds

Before we get into the history we have with Lori and SOBBS, Inc, I'll start with this letter to her, dated June 4th 2015, in which a formal request for accounting of funds was requested. By law, all requests from donors for financial reports must be delivered.  It is now October 12th, 2015 and as of this date, there has been no communication regarding the over $2000 my team sent to her for the purchase of an emergency loaner cot.  We will later detail how this loaner cot emergency was a complete fabrication.

This letter was sent after withdrawing our support for her fundraiser and organization.  Her public posts in her Facebook group stated SHE withdrew from our group.  This is not true and the conversation detailing our concerns about her admin's activities and funds distribution predates her post about HER withdrawing from us.  More to come.

First my letter which has since been unanswered.

Lori,

Since we have not heard anything from camp SOBBS, please allow me to outline our concerns that we feel should be made more public so as to promote more awareness of what this group actually stands for.

You have a long standing admin who has shown increasingly childish and bizarre behavior. Rather than address her questionable actions, you invite and encourage her to participate in sending you reports about the activities of groups where you do not maintain a presence. This dynamic calls in question not only your leadership, but your mutual mental health as you continue this rather unsettling relationship of master and subservient. As the the self-appointed leader of such a vulnerable group of women, it is concerning that you've created these dynamics where personal and unhealthy loyalty to you trumps the emotional well being of the very group you have proclaimed to serve.

Your admin H is an emotional child that you've failed to create proper boundaries for. One could ask why a woman who speaks of healing, who herself feels whole enough to dictate to others how to go through this process either doesn't recognize the harm her admin is doing or even worse, encourages it. Your members are not protected from the whims and episodes of a woman who has steadily shown herself to live in a world of her own making. I do not doubt this persons heart as I believe with all of mine that her actions reflect a belief she is doing right. I don't blame her, I blame you. You have allowed this. You have encouraged this. You have benefited from it and you should be deeply ashamed. I don't understand what level of self-importance it takes to justify having an individual patrolling the internet to send you reports of what anyone is saying about you or SOBBS. To put it bluntly, that is undeniably unhealthy.

Our second issue is your feigned confusion as to why I left the admin group. This is absolutely disgusting. The time stamp on your laughable version of the truth as opposed to the messages exchanged between you and Jamie. You outright lied to your admin team to get the needed emotional support for your less than stellar decisions and failure to act like an adult in this situation. Furthermore you allowed the rest of the group to question my integrity. MY integrity? Really Lori??? You really want to go there??If you think for one second that protecting your own name is grounds for denigrating something I've spent an entire year of my life working towards you are a lesser human being than I ever imagined. My team handed over two thousand dollars to you without question while we kept meticulous records as to our accounting. Can you say the same? Are you prepared to turn over a report as to where our raised money went and how it was spent? Integrity is a two way street and you are the one in question, not me. How dare you. It is now disgustingly clear why so many groups and individuals absolutely despise you. I defended you and believed you. You repaid that with treatment that can only be described as abusive.

After a lengthy phone conversation with A, it has become apparent that you have been dishonest on multiple fronts over many months.  You have grossly misrepresented yourself, your organization and your appropriation of funds.  

I am requesting an immediate accounting of where every last penny was spent that was donated to you.  I am requesting that any money not used towards a cot be returned to the address from which it originated immediately as you accepted those funds under false pretenses.  Furthermore I am requesting that all written text to which I own the copyright be removed from your website, the Cuddle Cot page, all your Facebook groups and the Cuddle Cot informational packets.  Beyond our separation I'd like to remind you that I am running a for profit business and your recent allusions to my integrity have been noted and if this continues in any fashion, I will be taking it as far as I need to legally.  

I also request, not for me, but for A that you do whatever is in your power to have O's birth video removed from H's local news page.  Your refusal to address this with H shows that your priorities are grossly misplaced.  Getting publicity for your mission should have never trumped the feelings of a grieving mother and her absolute RIGHT to say when and where her video was posted.  Your refusal to support A in favor of H's feelings speaks to your opportunistic agenda. Do you know what that means?  It means you use people until they question you or have their own opinion and then you discard them like trash.  Ever wonder why you have so many problems keeping admin?  Here's your first clue: It's you. 

H's design and the MOAA logo will be removed from our selection immediately, with much relief.

You have burned bridges with countless people and the stories are coming out in full force.  You need to do the right thing and admit your wrong doing, as your denial, blocking and unfriending is tarnishing your reputation even further.  You are an adult.  Act like it.  Own what you've done and make the apologies necessary.  Anything less is a slap in the face to people who have done nothing but support you.  You need to change direction and make this as right as you possibly can.

I expect a timely reply to my requests before taking further action.  This letter will be copied certified mail.

Melissa Coffey

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

This blog is dedicated to the 501c3 charity SOBBS, Inc, incorporated by Lori Esteve and her board members, Rod Esteve and her mother Gloria.

This blog will detail the requests and subsequent refusal to provide financial statements to donors.

It will include communications where she has blantantly lied to loss moms, donors and the public.

Lori Esteve has been contacted on multiple occasions by many people and has had every opportunity to clarify or refute these claims.

Her stance is she owes us no answers if we "believe lies."  Lies cannot be corroborated.  We are not talking about gossip, we are talking about provable facts.

Anyone who has questioned Lori has been blocked from ALL her social media and emails have been unanswered or answered spitefully and with feigned confusion as to what the problem is.

It stops here.  It stops now.

SOBBS, Inc.  is a publicly registered, legal non profit and has the LEGAL responsibility of transparent to it's donors.

So far, this has been refused.

You have questions we have answers.  Sit back and enjoy the show!  It's a disgusting web of deciet, hurt, loss and one woman who thinks she alone can destroy the lives of anyone who gets in her path.